Ch..Ch...Ch...Changing

Change.  There has been a lot of change around here. 

I write that and I’m thinking about the house for the most part, but also the farmyard.  Louise and I have been really busy with “infrastructure” tasks since Thanks Giving weekend.  We spent a lot of time clearing deadfall and standing dead trees from the woods behind the house and near the barn, and then bucking and storing the larger pieces.  Just after Christmas we concentrated on moving our renovations of the farmhouse forward.  We completely gutted the upstairs bath.  After inspecting the walls and sub floor we put in a nice deep soaker tub and a shaker style vanity.  We replaced the flooring in the living room with plank style dark tiles that will absorb the sun during the winter days and give up that heat during the cold nights.  We then framed in a new guest room in what use to be the upstairs laundry.  We are getting some help with the wiring right now, and a friend will be in to do some dry walling soon.  After that our reno of the interior will be virtually complete.

We will soon be replacing our shingle roof with a lovely bright red metal roof.  This is both a fire protection measure and an aesthetic choice.  It will also facilitate the installation of photovoltaic panels later this year for our grid tied solar power system.

We have also been very busy planning.  Our vision of the farm continues to evolve as we move forward and add detail to current plans, and begin to formulate define projects that have existed only as concepts.  As one project moves forward it influences others - new possibilities emerge, and plans are revised simply because we know more about our needs, the technology, or what a particular project really embodies. 

The task of developing a farm and a business from nothing is virtually all new to me.  I bring lots of planning skills and imagination to the table, but little in the way of practical knowledge.  It may be instructive to note that a brief time of prayer usually precedes any kind of work that might lead to significant injury or financial loss, and the big projects are still in front of me.  The more significant the tool to be wielded or the machine to be employed - hence the more vivid my imagined injury - the longer and more emphatic the prayer.  Hammering gets a short prayer, chain saw work longer, electrical work longer still, preparation for framing a structure - a series of prayers known within the biz as a novena, which is spread over eight days.

Thankfully we are able to rely heavily on our neighbours for their expertise and ideas.  We have also gotten to know a solid bunch of Trades people.  And Louise knows the most direct routes to the three closest ERs and can make the trip day or night, rain or shine.

Change.  Yes, lots of change. 

So this stuff has been important, but in one sense it has been little more than a metaphor for the larger movements occurring within my life as I reinvent myself again (second time). 

Moving from the city to the country is a really big deal if you have never lived in a rural setting before.  The minutiae of daily living changes and new ways of doing old things are needed – and there are some new things to get done too.  The challenge of changing jobs within my own field and the particular context within which I work has been a large part of the last 10 months or so.  There is also the evolution of ideas related to other professional opportunities – moving an idea from something vague to a concrete possibility ready to be put into play, and the growing sense that I stand at a crossroads.

And relationships.  Some relationships fade, some new ones emerge, some old ones are transformed.  Birth, movement, death.  As a spiritual being travelling this human part of my path I am constantly growing and changing amid a web of relationships that are also evolving.  My single point of reference, which does not change per se (in its essence), but per accidens (the change is in how I experience it) is my Creator.  Amidst a life, not just characterized by change, but defined by the process of changing, of growing, of movement towards something not yet seen, but only vaguely sensed as Paul would describe it – in the midst of such a life the point of reference, the beacon, is my understanding of the divine.  There are all sorts of times in life when this is really important to me, and one of them is when I am feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the practical tasks before Louise and I.   Another is when I become fearful of the enormity of the task of re-inventing me again – stepping out into the unknown, taking chances, being vulnerable.  I am reminded of my struggle to truly trust in God to sustain me in my journey.  When I falter it is usually because I have succumbed to my fear, and my way out of that darkness is to turn back towards God and to strive to re-connect, re-new, re-vitalize my relationship with the divine.  This head-centered process begins with a searching of my heart, the place where this trust resides.  Its when I forget to hold close that which rests within my heart that I get into trouble, that I falter, that I leave room for fear to creep in.  Like Peter walking on the water towards Christ, I get into trouble and start sinking when lose sight of what is really important – my relationship to my God, my wife, my neighbour.

And that, thankfully, does not change.  My rock.